Trust the watchdog

Watchdog prophets got it wrong and save the BBC

Firstly thank God those Mayans got it all wrong; unfortunately no biblical misfortune was visited upon the nouveau riche at the BBC and the so-called trust that oversees the use of fee payer’s hard earned money. Although looking on the bright side I have not wasted any of my pension money due to my prudent pre-Mayan Christmas spending on the run up to this event. Just imagine if I had stupidly spent money on an extra large free range corn fed butterball turkey instead of the BOGOF offer pre-packed turkey slices that I had purchased with a short sell by date of the 22nd of December and I and my slices had been blown into oblivion by a planet destroying asteroid. What a waste of money that could have turned out to be.



Unlike those grandiose BBC executives they all got free butterballs on their expenses cards. They are now all hunkered down busily shuffling themselves around the top floor offices. In a grotesque version of musical offices they run up and down the corridors giggling as they lock the doors to potential promotions and pay rises for their colleagues in the basement. No worries for them about being sucked into a black hole induced by the CERN Hadron collider. Where is God’s particle when you really need one? Would a whole bucket of Higgs Bosen’s be enough to rid us of this lot?

Many years ago in the real World of broadcasting a former LBC radio presenter famously called the BBC the Bloated Broadcasting Corporation. The same presenter was hung out to dry and dismissed for his live comment about a Councillor. I ask this question “was he fitted up guv?” To be fair the producers of another BBC flagship programme Question Time did not hold a grudge and invited him to appear on the panel of doom and gloom.

This example of the order of the boot should feature highly on the dysfunctional BBC New Years resolution priorities. The spineless acting D-G Mr Davie and the complete BBC trust board should hang their heads in shame and resign. Please remember do not pass go etc.

Whilst they collectively remain in denial recklessly spending licence money and continue reciting the hymn sheet mantra that the publics trust is safe in their hands, we all wonder what monumental cock up they will inflict or not on some innocent soul? Again!

I digress, the BBC should be broken up and dismantled and its ancient charter ripped up. Okay I agree this is a bit harsh during the festive season. So alternatively as the BBC has so much surplus licence fee to give away on our behalf for its current “reward for failure” programme I suggest that these huge sums of money being paid out to a long queue of buffoons at the BBC should prove once and for all that the licence fee should be halved; as quite clearly throwing money down the twit drain does not affect the quality of the repeats being shown on our television screens.

The trust in my opinion has failed the prime directive regarding the taxpayer’s money. These cosy deals going on behind closed doors are a disgrace. Even the Queen would not be invited in to witness the lottery give away for incompetence. What a topsy turvy World when an Abu Qatader pay-off is cheaper than sacking someone who is useless at their job. The belligerent trust also rejected offers by The National Audit Office to review these excessive severance payment packages. Further gobsmacking revelations concerning ten other departing managers who have walked away over the last two years with more than £4 million between them. One big cheese Mark Byford went off into the sunset with a mind boggling £ 949,000 plus perks!

Why is the Trust so frightened by these highly paid celebrity presenters and executives that it oversees? Why are our representatives in Parliament sitting on their hands while Patten and his board dish out licence payers money like confetti? Are the expenses calculations that complicated nowadays? I suppose they must be as the Minister on watch for The Department for Culture, Media and Sport is herself sailing on board the good ship Titanic and has little time to sort out such piffling matters like saving the taxpayer some money for instance.

The BBC is a massive closed shop the protectionism of mini empires within its walls and top heavy management structure makes the institution a dinosaur of a bygone age and it is not fit for purpose. Why should anyone be surprised that the BBC hierarchy receive a king’s ransom for screwing up? The poor, dare I say it “plebs” (underlings) have been the victims of their robust management style should they even pass wind in their divine presence. Do they have a ceremony for the passing of one of these modern day Pharaohs when they lay them to rest in the taxpayer owned catacombs of the lavish BBC towers?

My New Years prediction for the next ‘Lord Myners – Goodwin terms’ pay-out for outstanding public interest achievement will be Lord Patten who will be going on gardening leave until his replacement is selected from the collection of faceless masters of the universe that do such on wonderful job within the BBC’s organisation.

My New Years prediction candidate for inaction is the Secretary of State for Business, Innovation and skills ‘Teflon Vince.’

David Cameron’s list for Knighthoods and honours must be huge this year. Failed Bankers? Failed Financial Services Authority directors? Failed politicians? Failed journalists? Failed police officers? How about Mr £1 – Henry Jackson the mastermind of OpCapita the saviour of MFI and Comet? You can go off-piste a little and include bosses at the Border Agency or the heads at HM Revenues & Customs who have seen fit to let off global mega companies paying their fair share of tax. Curse those blasted Mayans I would have been better off being exterminated than carry on paying a licence fee!

Perhaps Mr Cameron should do away with tradition this year and draw up a list of those who will be losing their titles? The announcements would bring glad tidings and cheer to our depressed big society in these troubled times.

So bring on those already paid for repeats over the festive holiday. ‘Christ almighty Ben-Hur is scheduled again!’ I doubt that any manager at the BBC knows how many repeats they have sanctioned to fund their lavish lifestyles or a New Year’s free chauffeur driven Jaguar.

The Christmas television schedule sends me to bed early again and as I toss and turn uneasily trying to sleep pondering these questions I count bankers and BBC executives jumping off a cliff and I recite their names by rote Caroline Thomson £670,000, George Entwistle 54 days, George Entwistle £450,000 severance, George Entwistle £877,000 pension. My post apocalyptic vision begins to fade away as they splatter on the rocks below the cliff and I realise that the Mayans, Nostradamus or Lord Patten cannot answer these financial watchdog paradoxes either.

Perhaps another soap opera inquiry into the Beeb and the Trust may sooth mine and the nation’s brow with prime time compulsive viewing for the next few years? Thank goodness we will have Kate on the top of the media agenda once this current storm subsides.

Pass the sick bag please.



Have a happy austerative New Year for 2013-18





About Umpius

I retired and moved to the Costa del Sol in 2003 and I now live in the Jalon Valley which is in the Costa Blanca area.
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