Car History

It all started with a Ford Consul 375 low liner.

Followed by Jaguar MK II 3.8 with knock off wire wheels (no ref. to stolen.)

 

 

Next was a Jaguar 420S plus wire wheels with a race cam converted from a BriSCA formula 1 stock car and triple SU’s and E Type heads.

 

Jaguar 420S

 

Yes! I did racing as well as the bangers. I also love endurance karting which is a great cheap team inspired race. For the next one I was obviously very ill at this point and bought a Ford escort 1300 Mk2. Aieeee! It was a sort of greenish colour with a black vinyl roof. I Recovered, but they found me and dragged me off in a straight jacket.

 

 

Then my first venture into yanks a 1963 Chevrolet Impala 327 2 door pillarless.

 

 

I then went shopping for a 1970 muscle car a Trans-Am racer the 1970 Ford Mustang Boss 302 and spent loads of wonga doing this up top to bottom I kept it factory spec. Barring tuned hooker headers for better breathing and flow. Bullet proof high revving semi hemi with big valve cleveland style heads, 780 cfm 4 barrel holley ram air, hurst shifter, staggered shocks. 8 mpg on a run burn ups not included! Quality carbon footprint. ‘Blub! Blub! Blub!’

 

 

In great petrol head tradition if were to read the American car designers philosophy a major aim for the designers was brutish rear view mirror presence. Which is one of the reasons I used to chase down twats in those Japanese thingies and dip the clutch and spin the crank to 7000 (rev limited) and growl and bark at them at speed whilst giggling insanely watching their little pimples flare up in their rear view mirror. I could just hear their puny valves gasping for fuel as the nitrous overwhelmed them and the boost needle shivered at the monsters roar that waited patiently sucking air in the shaker.

Memories of the shed at the rear of the start line at Santa Pod, the special brews and methanol plus the occasional blast of peroxide mixed jet fuel. Great crowds of ‘Every way but loose’ motor bikers with crazy kit on. Come to think most of them looked like Clyde after a day in that shed they used to waddle out with the backs of their hands scraping along the floor. Some very sportingly helped by dragging their comrades back to the tents through the mud.

We all had WW2 gas masks for the bogs at the pod on a weekend visit. Ray used to get very upset when we hung our wet clothes on the spectacular rear spoiler on his Plymouth Superbird. He used to do horrible, horrible things to us like pumping nitrous into our zipped up tent. Or even worse sneaking Mungo in during the night to kip with us. More bad memories, my mucker Ray gave me a damn good thrashing in his 1970 Plymouth Superbird 440 magnum with six pack and nitrous.

 

 

Great memories of our pal Mark (1970 Torino 429 CID) rolling out applauded soul songs with his group Joe Cocker style perfectly complete with zombie dance (and haircut) Gary always rebooked him for the meets. Those were the days more rain and mud than Glastonbury.

Stock car memories about BriSCA formula 1 gold top Stu Smith from ‘uppe’ North number 391 with a fire spitting high revving heavily modified 427 Chevy. Did I mention that I hated him as well? How can you like a guy with the Wildcat tag blazoned on the panels when the name was derived from his 455 big block Buick engine days then he treacherously turned to Chevy….Bastad!

 

Ah! The memories about fishing and a good hot curry down the Indian with cloudy cider. This was followed by drunken conversations until the early morning about anything these were mostly tall stories about the massive carp that had eluded us all again. Mungo (Dave BMW yuppie) no sane human ever erected a bivvy near him what with the Jalfrezi curry washed down with stout and peanuts a few hours before then all those plates full of baked beans and toast during dawns early morning light. He was the principle cause of recent flooding in the UK due to the greenhouse effect this one person had.

Richard or thumper which is his karting handle still gets faster lap times. The penalty weight of pasty after pasty has taken its toll on my personal best times. I keep bleating on about him having to be leaded up or eat more pasties along with all the other teams to make it all fair and square.

Littered between these were also the runabouts for my wife, Cortina Mk 3, Granada Ghia, Cortina Mk11 1600E, Black Mini Cooper S, Triumph Stag, Escort Ghia. Sierra 2.8 injected 4×4 hatchback. White long wheel base Transit semi high roof 2.5 turbo diesel and side load door…….which I borrowed a lot!

Then a factory fitted out 24V Ford Probe run out model with all the extras. I gave this to the wife (bribe) her personal favourite.

 

 

This is when I had a serious midlife crisis and got my lifetime pride and joy a fully loaded Corvette C5 in triple black which was severely cherished and constantly polished and cleaned with the concours collection of AutoGlym products.

It got bad, I could not park and leave my baby anywhere without the constantly worrying who was pawing over my sweetheart. All those jealous lascivious looks and those potentially scratched panels. It started getting worse eating outside in the cold at a village pub so I could keep a doting watch. I used to break out in cold sweats if she was out of my sight and not safely locked up in my garage. My marriage was at straining point it became a battle of wills, “the car goes etc.” No contest! I know who is the Boss and wears the trousers! I began to hate birds as well that craped from a great height on my lovely mirrored acrylic lacquer.

What is a super car like to drive? I used to think my Boss 302 was the dogs bollo’s until I had the C5. Unlike its bone shaking predecessors with no toucha da throttle on bends and no great top end but great looks vettes. The C5 is effing quick and stable I was sold on it after Tom Falconer (Claremont Corvette) took me for a test drive from his showrooms in Snodland, Kent whilst it was hacking down with rain he hammered it round bends and floored it the rest of the ride I used to believe I was a loony until that day when I almost started pressing that imaginary brake! You guessed it I hate him as well!

 

 

I can hear the question? I sold it one of the joys of selling up in the UK. What have I got now? ‘I’m not saying.’ But when I save up enough money by not keep buying tapas and mumbas or I come up on the Euro millions it will be a Corvette C6 ZR1. Cor! Read the spec. and Motor Trend reviews.

 

 

My C5 also had the HUD and Bose 12 CD auto change system and memory pack. The cherished plate that cost me squillions went with it.

Do you think I over egg my hobbies? Am I a Chevy lover? You bet! Can Clarkson or the Stig drive a yank super car properly around a stupid little track? Nope!

I have concluded your worship that the Stig had the traction control and active handling set to ‘on’ the wimp! Just compare the laps of Clarkson and his size 14’s on the drive by wire systems throttle smoking those lumps of rubber at any speed.

 

 

Some say the forwarded email jokes and petrol have overwhelmed my brain and stopped it functioning properly. But I think most probably the biggest influences that currently shape my outlook are Homer and The lonely planet. I blame an over active thyroid pass a pork pie please cooked by Ramsey.

Click on All Corvettes are red. This is a good read if you are interested in a behind the scenes look at how the  C5 Corvette just about made it into production.

 

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One Response to Car History

  1. Alcione says:

    a quite knowledgeable information posted…thanks.

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